I wish I could turn the crazy off. I wish that I could make it go away, make it somehow stop.
But I can't. It consumes me, eating away at me like a parasite that's settled in my mind and stomach.
I am too naive, too blind. It's so easy to lie to me, to play me like a fiddle that I don't even notice that it's not my tune coming from me.
I am too damaged, too broken.
Sitting at the hospital waiting for my mom to get back from her test. Still don't know anything about what's going on, but I am keeping occupied by studying for anatomy and waiting for AMH to call to see if I got the job.
I am also talking with Chris about going and visiting him. I would like to see him at least once this years and with the way things are looking I don't think I will get to see him until his three years ate up. I hope I will get to see him just for a little bit.
I am dying about this job. HR called earlier and I didn't answer because I was asleep. I tried calling back but got her voicemail. I am climbing walls here!
I am having a horrendous day. I finally got enough sleep but I woke up in such a bad mood that it doesn't even matter. I'm so frustrated I could cry.
I also had a pretty cool dream. Well at least one of them was. All I remember was something about the entire world dying and restarting.
